A Quiet Unseen Westcoast Canadian Bear

I saw this line in a Cracked.com article. I thought it true and funny.

"In America you're almost required to both hate Wal-Mart, and shop there on a weekly basis."

Canada is the same. Heh heh.

Well, I finally feel a part of the seniors group.

An older shipper (probably in his fifties) and I were reminiscing over older video games and tv shows, and we were making fun of the younger generation and their ADHD problems and general lack of intelligence. It was great! :o) It felt like I hit a new life milestone.

I'm very unhappy.

After reading clintswan's post, I thought for sure I would have the same results for the "who you write like" meme. He got Kurt Vonnegut who is my absolute idol!

Me? I got fucking Stephen King! FUCK! Fuckity fuckity fuck!

The guy who created the cell phone back in 1972, Martin Cooper, is the same guy who created the Jitterbug, a cell phone for senior citizens. You remember those commercials?

Who knew!

I'm giving up on "V", the newly revised 80 TV series classic.

Here's why.
Four of the freedom fighters are around an alien intercom talking to a captured freedom fighter who has been tortured but manages to get an intercom anyways. He wants to kill himself to help the cause. There is crying in the scene. There is drama. They try to convince him through tears not to do it. He tries to convince them through tears that he has to.

And all the while I kept thinking "For Christ Sake, hurry up!"

That can't bode well for a TV show.

Me talking to a technically challenged customer on the phone:

"That`s a pretty nasty error message... Okay, whatever you do, don't reboot the system, k?"

What the customer hears:

"Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah REBOOT the system, k?"



"Okay"

I just watched Twilight. It's so bad, I feel like my brain got sucked inside out. Horrible movie.

You know, a movie about mentally challenged vampires would have been a lot better.

Since it's Saint Patrick's Day, I figure I'll tell you all my one and only Irish joke. (Truth is, I just heard it about two hours ago.:o) )


What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?


1 drinker.

My humor must be retarded. I found this comic on a customer`s wall and shared it with all my coworkers. (The good ones anyways.)

Not one thought it was funny.


Anyways here it is. It`s the hearts that make it funny.

I know I'm gay and all, but sometimes, women can just be so darn cute.

I overheard three women talking about the Paralympics. We all were in the mail room of a big company; they were the workers and I was the courier guy on our computer. A fourth women came in and starting telling the other three about one of the athletes she had met yesterday. The three all "Oo"ed, and "Oh"ed, at different parts of the story.

"Then he said to me, 'This is the best Paralympics ever!'" said the fourth. In unison, in stereo, in sync, with the biggest most compassionate voice I've ever heard, they all said "Aaaaaaaaaaawwwww!" There was no cynicism, only true concern and empathy.

Heh heh. I had to smile. Maybe the world needs more estrogen.


I think my balls just pulled up.

It's official: the world is run by boobs.

Well, yes, I could mean boobs as in complete idiots. That would easily apply. But no, I mean boobs as in woman boobs. (Man boobs while potent are not nearly as powerful.)

I was at a customer the other day. I asked them who their sales rep was. They both said her name started with a "J". Well, we have two female sales reps whose name start with a "J". I held my arms in front of me like I was carrying two super huge melons, and I asked "Was one of them built like this?" The one guy said earnestly, "I don't remember, I only saw her face."
Ahh, that would be the other "J" sales rep.


It's official: Twitter is AA, Andreas Approved. You can follow all your favourite stars/celebrities in their daily lives, see the pictures they've taken on the spot, and hear their thoughts. I sound like a teenage girl saying that, but honestly, it's a guilty pleasure. :o)

Okay. Ask me any question. The ones I like I'll answer. :o)

Somehow or other one of my posts ended up on the Build a Bear Blog website.

What the...?

Just out of curiosity I googled my LiveJournal name and that site came up with my post about me looking forward to the Olympics.

All I can say is thank god they didn't post one of the more adult posts; otherwise, there would have been some very upset parents out there. (The kids would just snicker and think it funny.)

Have you ever met or seen a really nice guy and think "Yeah, he's good at being nice, but I could do 'being nice' better. Fucker."

My mom is so funny when she's drunk. (She doesn't get drunk often, almost never.)

Some quotes as I drove her home:

"I'm not that drunk. If I want, I can clear my mind and focus on anything." Pauses for a few seconds, looking forward intently. "Hmmm... maybe not."

"I close one eye, I see one car. I close the other eye, I see one car. I open both eyes... TWO cars!"

Heh heh.

CANADA WINS THE OLYMPICS!!!! YAY!!

I had a Seinfeld moment the other day.

I was at a customer's doing some maintenance on our system, and I had to use the wash room. Well, I did my business, washed my hands and walked through their kitchen to get back to our machine.
I saw the IT guy I hadn't seen in about a year. He was making himself a coffee. With a joyous "Hello" and a big smile, he stuck out his hand to shake mine.

"Oh crap!" I thought. My hands were still slightly damp from washing them. Is he going to think my hands have pee all over them? He did just see me come out of the wash room. Or will he'll think I washed my hands but should have dried them better? (Come on, who ever truly completely dries them.)
I grabbed his hand and hoped he wouldn't notice.

Then I had another Seinfeld moment. Without skipping a beat, as he was telling me about his day, he went to the kitchen sink and washed his own hands!

I really wanted to tell him my hands were clean, and that dampness he felt was just left over water. I said nothing but smiled and nodded at his story.

I saw this on one of those church signs.

"God isn't into favoritism.
But this sign guy is!
Go Canada Go!"

Heh heh.

So is this blogger.
Go Canada Go! (We'll just ignore that hockey game last night.)

Did John Lennon ever make a national and well televised apology for cheating on his wife, then ditching her for Yoko Ono who then ruined the Beatles? I don't think so.

That whole "Bigger than Jesus" thing... Yeah, okay, I get televising the apology for that...

not really.

The other day, as I feebly hung on to consciousness during my nap, I had a weird thought.

When it comes to reincarnation, we think in linear terms. For example, you die now, and a few minutes later you find a fetus and inhabit it. Or if you like your surroundings maybe you stay around for a couple of years before going on.

But what if you don't necessarily go forward in time? What if you can go in both directions? Yes, go BACK in time and live a life. "How's that possible?" you ask, "Wouldn't that screw up the space/time continuum?"

Here's my brilliant answer. Yes it would screw it up! All the time, continuously. Our past may be changing constantly. "Say what now?" you say incredulously, "How does that work?" Well, since it's in the past, we never know any better. "Huh?" When something in the past changes, that change becomes the history as we know it. In other words, it feels like it's been the "real" history all along. We'll never be able to compare one past to another because once the past has changed, it will seem to us like it's always been that way.

I love naps! :o)

Watching the Olympics opening ceremonies, at the beginning when the native americans came out and danced, I though Jesus, poor people! We rob them of all their land and strip them of their culture and religious beliefs, and then we make them speak English AND French at the Olympic ceremonies. Them shouting "bienvenue" at the end of each welcome speech was weird, like they were forced to do it. I felt very empathetic. We should make the native language an official language as well, I daydreamed.

But then I thought, Lord, if we did that, we'd have to endure the flight safety speech three fucking times every time we take a plane. Twice is painful enough. Waiting for the flight attendants to finish their spiel, we'd be on the tarmac longer than in the air. Forget it!

The opening ceremony: WE FUCKING NAILED IT!!!! (with some minor difficulties.)

Happy Olympics everyone!!!

Can anyone else figure out this Google Buzz?

I'm scratching my head bald here.

Have you ever wondered if perhaps it was a dyslexic and bad spelling eunuch that transcribed the bible?
Maybe the book is really all about angles, livid dames and a big dog.

Some fast food for thought.